


Hold On

by seventheavenly



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 15:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8333014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seventheavenly/pseuds/seventheavenly
Summary: Youngjae falls ill and is unable to attend the rest of GOT7's schedules for some time. 
It affects JB more than it does any other member.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't usually do notes before my fics, but I felt the need to for this.
> 
> Had overwhelming feelings since I woke up and found out that Youngjae wasn't feeling well. Also, I've already been feeling like a wreck since the whole incident of JB being injured and then the two of them performing solo stages of 1:31AM throughout the tour, so this happened. 
> 
> As there are no official details of why Youngjae is unable to participate in their schedules at the moment, I do not want to speculate and would like to remind you, just in case, that this story and its details are entirely fictional.
> 
> Also, if you've read my other works, you might know that I barely write sad stories, so please be warned when reading this one. It's not entirely sad, but it does start out so.
> 
> I really hope and pray that Youngjae will recover soon, and that the others have time to check on him, especially JB :'(
> 
> Get well soon, precious sunshine Youngjae ♥

"Youngjae will be late."  
  
Their manager sounds grave, his eyes averting the members' looks of curiosity. It causes JB's heart to drop.  
  
"What's wrong? What happened? Is he alright?" JB can't help the flurry of concern that pours past his lips. "He said he was just tired, is that not it?"  
  
His eyes meet the manager's for a moment, and a flicker of guilt appears in the other's eyes before he assures JB that Youngjae is fine. "He's with the doctor now. Youngjae himself said that he'll be back in no time. He wouldn't miss the fansign for the world, he was looking forward to it so much."  
  
The other members seem relieved at their manager's words, but JB is not convinced. After all, he had told his manager to say the exact same things when _he_ was injured.  
  
"Come on," their manager pats JB's shoulder, "it's time for the fansign to begin."  
  
JB nods, but stays at his spot while the other members move to prepare.  
  
He pulls their manager aside.  
  
"Is Youngjae," the words get caught in his throat, and he blinks back some tears. "Is he really, really alright?"  
  
There is a moment of silence before his manager replies. "Youngjae told me to tell you, just  **you** , that he will do his best to get better as soon as possible. He asked you not to worry."  
  
A staff calls out to them, asking if they can begin the fansign because the fans have already waited for quite a long while. JB takes a deep breath and puts on a smile.  
  
Smiling when Youngjae is nowhere near him is harder than he remembered.

 

* * *

 

"Oh, it's Younjae!" A fan exclaims, and JB immediately turns to look for the other.  
  
The fans cheer, the members look comforted at Youngjae's presence, and even Youngjae is smiling; but JB's grin falters.  
  
Youngjae looks too pale, too weak, too fragile.  
  
The other boys takes his seat at the end of the table, far from where he is.  
  
JB bites his bottom lip and apologizes to the fan he was previously talking to and excuses himself for a bit. Trying not to run over, he reaches out to touch Youngjae's shoulder.  
  
The other turns and smiles at him. "Sorry I'm late," Youngjae whispers.  
  
"It's fine." JB smiles, sincerely this time.  
  
And fine is what Youngjae seems to be, or tries to be, during the fansign.  
  
He sings, his familiar pleasant voice filling JB's ears.  
  
He laughs, his usual laugh that warms JB to the bone.  
  
He jokes, the kind of jokes that only Choi Young Jae makes.  
  
JB tries not to stare at him too much.  
  
Ever since a horrible argument at the beginning of the year, Youngjae had been keeping a distance from him. They spent less time talking, hanging out, and as painful it was to admit: Youngjae just closed himself up when it came to GOT7's leader.  
  
JB still tried, however.  
  
Tried to make amends for the hurtful things that slipped past his lips during the argument—things that he never imagined he would say to Youngjae, but he had—even though he knew those words had cut Youngjae way deeper than he could ever imagine.  
  
When Youngjae moved to Mark's room, it broke his heart.  
  
Despite that, he understood his previous roommate's reasons for doing so.  
  
Still, that did nothing to diminish his feelings for the other boy.  
  
Both of them pretended that nothing changed, but the members could tell.  
  
The once clingy pair that tried to spend the most time next to each other spent more time apart, both of them seeming to walk on eggshells when they were in the same room as the other.  
  
Youngjae was more careful of his words and no longer teased JB in public; whereas JB who used to stare at the younger member unabashedly now spent more time looking elsewhere instead.  
  
Despite that, JB still missed Youngjae.  
  
He missed the younger boy as his roommate, as his confidant in all things great and petty, as a shoulder to lean on when things got tough, when silent nights ate at him mentally.  
  
JB missed him the most when Youngjae would avoid him even though they were in the same vicinity.  
  
Back then, he imagined it would go on forever - the anguish of trying to reconcile with Youngjae. Yet when he hurt his back right before their world tour, Youngjae had thrown all his feelings aside, crawling into his bed one late night to cry and hold him.  
  
"You have to be well," Youngjae pleaded amidst his sobs, "we have to sing our song together."  
  
He remembers holding Youngjae's shaking body then, stroking his hair and trying to comfort him. It does not work, as the boy cries until he finally falls asleep with tear-stained cheeks.  
  
The younger boy's last words before he drifted off to sleep were: I can't do it without you.  
  
Back in the present, JB notices Youngjae turning around to grimace, before erasing it and turning back to face the crowd with a convincing smile.  
  
He understands now, the weight and desperation of Youngjae's words back then.

 

* * *

 

Mark's shout is like an injection of adrenaline to JB's tired body.

 

 

After yet another performance, they are backstage back in the changing room. He is slumped in a chair, but as soon as Youngjae's name is shouted, he is up and rushing over.

The oldest member is kneeling on the floor, next to Youngjae.

Youngjae's collapsed form.

"Hey, Youngjae." Mark is screaming. "Youngjae!"

JB can not tell if Youngjae's eyes are closed because he is in pain, or if the other is passed out.

Soon, Jackson starts shouting too. 

The managers are there next, and a commotion of chaos and panic build up while he stands there, rooted in fear and expecting the worst.

He should have known when Youngjae took frequent naps before and during their schedules. Youngjae was never one to sleep that often.

He should have known when their hands brushed earlier that day, and Youngjae felt as if he was on fire.

"I'm fine, alright?" Youngjae had pushed him away. "Give me some space."

Perhaps that was Youngjae's way of getting him to not worry; or maybe it was revenge for the things JB had said to him that horrible night.

If it was the latter, it was working out really well.

If it was the former, JB thinks Youngjae had failed horribly, because tears are now making their way down his face.

Someone is carrying Youngjae out of the room, JB does not register the person, but he does catch sight of Youngjae—his eyes half open, and gazing right back at him.

A million thoughts cross JB's mind, a million things he wants to tell the other: please be healthy, I'm so sorry, don't leave me, I still want you to forgive me, promise me you'll be back, _I love you_.

Youngjae's lips lift at the corners ever so slightly before his eyes close again, and JB wonders if his feelings were made known. 

 

* * *

  

The room is eerily silent, ringing with the manager's announcement: Youngjae would not be joining them for the upcoming schedules.

Yugyeom is visibly upset, and the other members seem as if they are holding their emotions back in to be strong for the rest, but Mark soon throws his cap to the wall with a frustrated groan.

Jinyoung moves to pull Mark into a hug, and JB wishes he could find comfort in some way as well.

Just that there was nothing he could think of at the moment that could bring him peace.

His mind is just drowning in thoughts of Youngjae: the nights they have spent pillow talking, the times Youngjae's smile had given him the strength to pull through an exhausting day, the not-so-subtle skinship Youngjae would always seek for even in public, the times they games and composed together.

The fact that all these are now taken from him, coupled with the unease of not knowing when they will be returned.

JB's cap join's Mark's cap a the bottom of the wall.

 

* * *

  

"Just ten minutes." Their manager reminds him.

Visitation hours are almost over, and JB resists the urge to run through the hospital hallways.

When he stands before Youngjae's room, his fingers find it hard to pull the door open.

Part of him desperately wants to see the other, but part of him is scared.

As he wastes seconds hesitating, the doors slide open. A nurse is surprised and gives him a curious look. "Are you visiting?"

JB nods.

She stares at him for a while, and her eyes widen as if she has come to a realization. "Are you," she hesitates for a bit, "JB?"

JB nods again.

The nurse smiles, "Youngjae's been waiting for you."

"He," JB's heart swells with the knowledge. "He has?"

"He's asleep now," the nurse nods, "but he's only been asking if you have dropped by every time he's awake."

 

* * *

 

Youngjae's sleeping face had always brought about a sense of tranquility to JB, but not this time.  
  
JB reaches out to hold the other's hand, watching his chest rise and fall slowly. The bland white of the room reminds him of when he was treated for his injury, and the smell adds to his discomfort. He wishes he could take Youngjae away and bring him home.  
  
"Youngjae-ah," he starts, but finds it hard to continue.  
  
Would Youngjae even hear him?  
  
In the end, he settles for a simple plea and hopes that the rest of his feelings will be conveyed.  
  
"Please get well soon."

 

* * *

   
JB begins to understand the difference between the one leaving and the one being left behind.  
  
When he was injured, he would mostly sleep to recover, and time would pass him by quickly. The members would check up on him and update him on things—many things that seemed impossible to have happened while he was recovering.  
  
He does that now.  
  
Sitting next to Youngjae's unconscious form and telling him of their schedules in the day, at least, when he does get to drop by.  
  
After much pleading, their manager has pulled some strings to include JB onto the list of people who can visit after official hours. It is usually limited to family members, he is told, and feels grateful when the nurse tells him that Youngjae put in a request for it too.  
  
His visits are unplanned and short, making them all the more precious to him.  
  
The days are packed to the brim with promotion schedules, and even though the members grasp at sparse time to visit—they have not had much chance.  
  
They visit Youngjae separately, and JB knows that Mark drops by the most after himself.  
  
He is envious, and he knows that Mark knows.  
  
After all, Mark had been Youngjae's main pillar of comfort after his quarrel with Youngjae. He believes that Mark knows more about the two of them than he let on, but JB had never dared to ask.  
  
Instead, he had only watched helplessly as the two continued to grow closer while Youngjae continued to drift away from him.  
  
JB constantly tried to earn Youngjae's forgiveness, but even he knew that trust was easier broken than built.  
  
Sometimes, he would think he had succeeded. The times when Youngjae responded to him well when they were on air, almost like he did before. Yet, the moment would pass as soon as it came.  
  
Sometimes, they would both lapse into a sudden longing; the distance between them lost and where everything seemed to have returned to before their dispute. Youngjae would gravitate towards him and seek out his touch—something he was more than willing to give.  
  
On days when Youngjae was like that, he was the happiest.  
  
"Did you know that, Youngjae?" He asks, already expecting and accepting the silence in the room as his reply. "You mean a lot to me."  
  
Youngjae's fingers twitch in his grasp, and JB's heart skips in response, but the other does not wake up.

 

* * *

 

  
"Were you at the hospital earlier?" Mark asks as soon as JB enters the dorm.  
  
It is way past midnight, and the others seem to have retired for the night. JB wonders if Mark stayed up just to wait for his return.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Was Youngjae awake?"  
  
JB shakes his head dejectedly. "I've never managed to visit him when he's awake."  
  
"That's a pity."  
  
It is, and JB feels a surge of jealousy knowing that Mark managed to catch Youngjae while he was awake the day before. He is beyond exhausted and worried, and he wonders if he would be able to put up with Mark's knowing taunts if he continues to do so, but the other boy's next words catch him completely off guard.  
  
"He misses you, you know."  
  
"I... guess? The nurse told me he's mentioned me." JB tries not to sound too proud about it.  
  
"I didn't mean it like that." Mark runs his fingers through his own hair, exasperated. "I meant in general. All the time."  
  
JB looks at him, confused.  
  
"He misses being with you. Being the way you two were before," Mark looks elsewhere, and JB figures he must have been reluctant to bring this up in the first place.  
  
"You really hurt him a lot, you know?" Mark's words cut him deeply and painfully, he can only nod in reply. "He's been trying too, to make things go back to the way they were. To forgive you and put it past him."  
  
Those words are like a flicker of hope in the darkness of JB's anguish.  
  
"But I suppose you'll know best how hard it is for him to do that," Mark continues. "He hasn't told me everything, but I can't bear to see the two of you like this. Him struggling and pretending, and you." Mark sighs before continuing, "I know you've been trying but, it's just, are you really going to let this go on? I'm trying to patch up the wounds you've left on him, but it won't work."  
  
"He seems very comfortable with you, though." JB can't help himself.  
  
Mark finally turns to look at JB, and JB is shocked to see the other's eyes lit with suppressed fierceness. "He is, and I care for him, but not in the way you do. Or the way he does to you," his voice raises suddenly, "just, seriously JB, do you know how much the kid loves you?"  
  
JB does, and does not.  
  
He used to, but with the way things had become, he wasn't sure anymore.  
  
"Even when I'm there for him," Mark continues, "it's **you** he wants and needs. So please."

 

* * *

 

Youngjae is awake the next time JB visits.  
  
Even though JB had been hoping for it, his feet are suddenly cold at the sight of Youngjae sitting up on the hospital bed, gazing out through the window.  
  
When the younger boy turns to look at him, he feels his knees go weak.  
  
"You're awake," is all he manages.  
  
Youngjae smiles in return, a smile less pale than the last one JB saw on his face.  
  
Taking his usual seat beside the bed, JB gazes into Youngjae's eyes until the other lets out a small laugh. "Is that all you're going to do?" Youngjae asks.  
  
"Am I allowed to do more?"  
  
Youngjae looks down and does not answer for a while.  
  
"I guess," he finally says, "depending on what it is you want to do."  
  
JB's arms wrap around him the next moment, pulling him into an embrace he had not felt in months. An embrace he had been yearning for but afraid to return to. It makes Youngaje's chest tighten and tears sting his eyes.  
  
"I want to cherish you more, Youngjae." JB confesses in his ear, "will you let me?"  
  
Youngjae answers with a whisper, "I want to, hyung, but... I still hear your words from that night. _Those words._ "  
  
"I'm really sorry, Youngjae. I really a-"  
  
"I know you are, I know you didn't really mean them, but I still hear them and it's just hard to forget them."  
  
"And I wish I could go back to that night and never say those words ever. I'll try to keep my temper and tactless words in check from now on Youngjae, no, not try, I **_promise_** you."  
  
"What happens if you break your promise?"  
  
"There'll be none of that. I promise, _double promise_ , I won't hurt you ever again, Youngjae." JB releases the other from his embrace to look into the other's eyes. He realizes then that both their eyes are filled with tears that are threatening to fall.  
  
"It's been so painful being apart from you. I have never regretted anything more in my life than the things I said that night, I would trade so many things just to take them back."  
  
Youngjae's face scrunches up at his words, and he throws himself into JB's chest, sobbing.  
  
"It's been painful for me too, hyung... everything has been. Those words, us, this fever and..."  
  
"We'll take care of them one at a time, alright?" JB pats the other's back. "First, you have to recover from this. Be healthy and well. And in the meantime, I'll continue gaining your trust back... is that... okay?"  
  
"How are you going to do that?" Youngjae asks.  
  
"I'll grant you ten wishes."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"You can ask for anything," JB adds, "and after I've granted your tenth wish, do you think you'll be able to trust me a bit more, again?"  
  
"That sounds fun," Youngjae comments, pulling back from JB. "I can already think of a whole bunch." A playful smirk appears on the younger boy's face, and despite JB feeling worried about Youngjae's mischievous side, he thinks he likes how the boy is now than when he was unconscious and unavailable.  
  
"But, hyung," Youngjae adds. "I honestly only have one wish at the moment."  
  
"What is it? I'll grant it." JB smiles at him reassuringly.  
  
"You."

 

* * *

 

Jinyoung finally gets a chance to visit Youngjae, and opens the door to said member's hospital room excitedly only to stop before the door fully opens.

The sight of JB kissing Youngaje fervently will haunt his dreams for some time, he thinks, but he smiles as he closes the door.

Reaching for his mobile phone, he texts Mark, telling him that his first-aid matchmaking seems to have paid off.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Sorry for being such an sap, but thanks for keeping my feelings company :')
> 
> #GetWellSoonYoungjae


End file.
